One.
One year.
One year ago today, Joshua Tyler came out of my body and into my life.
I don’t even know where to begin. I have spent so much of the last few weeks playing the “one year ago today..” game, where I recall what I was doing exactly 12 months ago. And now, on this 13th of March, all those previous days culminated in the birth of a beautiful, healthy boy.
Little did I know how much my life was about to change.
And little did I know how little I would miss the pre-motherhood days.
Sure, there are days when I wish I could sleep in past 9. (The idea of sleeping until noon seems purely decadent… I’m quite sure I have lost the ability to sleep that long. Someday, perhaps, I will be able to try to cultivate that skill again. 
In the meantime, my days start somewhere between 6 and 7… in the a.m.) And sure, there are times when I long for the quietude and lack of responsibility for anyone else’s safety or entertainment.
But then I think of what I have gained in this last year. What joys I would be missing. What milestones I would not have experienced.
Joshua is a wonderful little boy. James and I have truly been fortunate in our firstborn son.
- He is beautiful. (Sure, I know all parents say that of their children..)
- He did not have colic. (Normal amounts of baby crying were hard enough. I can’t fathom what life would have been like if he’d had colic!)
- He started sleeping through the night at 6 weeks of age. (Six of the roughest weeks of the past year – you have no idea what sleep deprivation is until you become a new parent.)
- He has a lilting laugh and a gorgeous giggle.
- He is careful. (He is cautious in his exploration of the world – pinched fingers, reckless falls, and bonked heads are not frequent occurrences in our house.)
- He is thoughtful, as in full-of-thought. (Joshua loves to study things and spends minutes turning a new object over and over in his hands, trying to figure out what it is, what it does, and how one interacts with it.)
- He is slowly becoming a bit of a cuddler. (This is the one area where I have wished for a bit more than what Joshua has offered. However, as he grows, he has started to be interested in cuddling with me – sitting in my lap to read books, snuggling when he’s tired, or just nuzzling for a moment during play.)
It has been phenomenal to be part of the life of a new human being. As I reflect on this past year, I marvel at the miracle of life. The majesty of creation. The process of development.
To think. Twelve months ago, Joshua could barely hold up his head. He had “googly eyes.” He didn’t really make any sounds other than when crying. He was tiny. Precious. Fragile. Heck, he had this thing attached to his belly button that was drying up! Now, he can sit, stand, crawl, walk (cruising or with help, and even an occasional step on his own), dance, point, laugh, “talk” (though without any words we can discern yet), marvel, and play. All in the space of 365 fleeting days.
Parents always say “It goes by so quickly.” A year ago, I thought that meant they grow up in years - before you know it, they’re in kindergarten, then they’re in high school, then they’re graduating college. But no, the real-time dilation happens right away – weeks pass, even mere days, and a new skill has been mastered. All of a sudden, he could roll over at will. My, what a difference that makes.
It has been such a joy to watch the way the human mind forms, grows, and struggles to make sense of the world. I have loved each stage thus far, and I fully expect to love every stage to come. Sure, there have been (and will be) challenging times – like the aforementioned sleep deprivation – but by and large, I love love LOVE having this little boy in my life. I can’t quite imagine not having him around. Not getting to see what things he’ll get into this day. Not watching the next great leap in cognition or physical prowess. Life would feel so dull and empty without him. So I’ve decided to sign up for another year (or 18+) of parenthood. 
I know I’m spouting quite the stream-of-consciousness in this entry. This isn’t shaping up to be quite what I expected to write. However, it’s what I’m feeling at the moment. Perhaps I will be able to circle back and find time to write more – more thoughts, more feelings, more reflections, more deep-and-moving points. In the meantime, I will continue to bask in the joy of knowing that my beloved son is in the other room, that I love all that he is becoming, and that it has been a year of more than I bargained for, but also more than I could have wished for.
